


am I close to where you are?

by katertran



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Nightmares, POV Catra (She-Ra), Panic Attacks, Post Season 5, Post-Canon, The Fright Zone (She-Ra), Trauma, Weddings, catra is going through some stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:48:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24310822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katertran/pseuds/katertran
Summary: All Catra has ever known is struggle. Being welcomed with open arms into the lives of so many people she's hurt is unnerving. Suddenly her whole life is different and it takes a bit of getting used to.
Relationships: Adora & Bow & Catra & Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra), Catra & Scorpia (She-Ra)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 404





	1. Chapter 1

Catra and Adora stood at the threshold of a previously unoccupied room in Castle Bright Moon. The large vaulted ceilings and bright colors are unfamiliar to Catra, so much so that it almost gives her a headache. The Fright Zone and Horde Prime’s ship had been so barren, almost sterile, but she’s known nothing else. Comfort, Catra thinks, will take some getting used to.

“Why is it so…” Catra motions to the whole room, “much?” She walks towards the center of the room to take in the strange space. All of it is a bit overwhelming, and she feels a little claustrophobic in the large space. “What, they couldn’t decide on one color so they used all of them?”

Adora follows her, close enough for comfort but not too close as to be constricting. Catra thinks she probably just wants to give her room to take it all in and hopes that’s the only reason for her distance. “It can take some getting used to, that’s for sure,” Adora says. “I know it’s all really new, but you’ll like it eventually.”

As she scans the room, Catra notices a large window on one side and feels herself pulled towards it. In the Fright Zone, windows had been essentially non-existent and, on the ship, they showed nothing but an endless void. Now though, as she puts her hand against the cool glass, there is no fear or worry. The royal gardens of the castle lay below and the night sky above. Where there had been nothing but an unending black night before there now lay endless stars, too many to count, and they are mesmerizing. Less than a day ago, the fear of destruction at the hands of Horde Prime had been inescapable, and the new certainty of peace is a lot to take in. All Catra has known since she could remember is war and the knowledge that she would one day be a part of it. Eventually, she was, and she had come to embody all of her worst fears. Then, suddenly, the life she had known was gone, and the reality of this was bittersweet. She could be happy now, help rebuild the world she had tried to destroy, the love she had tried to abandon. These moments of calm are all she has to hold on to.

Catra’s not sure how long she kneels by the window before Adora sits on the ledge next to her. It takes her a moment to realize she’s there. “So cool, right?” Adora says with a smile in her voice. Catra knows that Adora wants her to be happy here, and she’s trying to be. She pushes a little too hard on the window and it opens slightly. Catra jumps back with a screech and falls to the floor. “Catra, it’s ok! It’s supposed to do that!” Adora says panicked, quickly kneeling next to her. She sits up and takes a moment to breathe, the burst of adrenaline starting to fade. She had never lived in a place with such large windows, let alone windows that opened. She stood hesitantly and once again approached the window, now slightly ajar. She places one hand where it had previously been resting on the windowpane and gives a small push. The window opens noiselessly and lets in a small breeze. Catra closes her eyes and breathes in the fresh air, willing herself to calm down. She can feel Adora’s concern for her and wills herself better.

“Sorry just...never seen windows like this before” Catra says, unsure who she’s apologizing to. She feels like a child again, stumbling and unsure on her own two feet. She wants to be better, for herself and for Adora, but sometimes the difficulty of it all is too much. These new experiences, even the small and inconsequential ones, make her feel like she’s already failing. This world is so new to her, and if she can’t fit in, where does that leave her? Her chest feels tight and the world begins to close in. She knows she could reach for Adora, ask for her help when she knows she needs it, but she can’t. As she feels herself start to panic, she can’t stop staring at the night sky, feeling less comfort now and more crushing anxiety. She can’t breathe. Air enters her lungs but no matter how hard she tries she feels like she’s drowning in the blackness between the stars.

She doesn’t even realize she’s started crying until Adora wraps her arms around her waist and pulls Catra’s back against her chest. “Hey, it’s ok, I’ve got you” Adora says as she holds her. Catra turns and wraps her arms around Adora’s neck, sobbing into her jacket. Adora holds her close and rubs her back in an attempt to soothe her. Catra feels her knees give out and they both sink to the ground. Adora pulls Catra onto her lap and cradles her until her sobs have subsided.

“I’m…I’m sorry” Catra says when she finds her voice. “I’m trying b-but this is all just s-so much.” She hiccups as she speaks and wills herself to stop shaking. Adora pulls her close again. “It’s ok, I know, you just need time” she says.

“No, you don’t get it!” Catra says, pulling away enough to be sure her voice is heard. “I’m not good at this! I just got scared by a window! I’m just not like you.” Her voice becomes less demanding and quieter as she speaks, feeling all of her energy leave her. She slumps in Adora’s hold again, and let’s herself be comforted.

“You’re right, I don’t get it” Adora says, “When I came here, it was totally different. We were still at war, I had no idea what I was doing, and I struggled a lot. It was a lot to get used to. Sometimes it still feels like I don’t quite fit in with the other princesses but…” she pulls Catra away slightly, cupping her cheek in one hand “but that’s ok. I didn’t have to fit in, none of us do. And plus its different for you because you have me.” Adora smiles at her so lovingly that Catra can’t help but believe every word. She knows she could fight her on it, wallow in self pity and explain why she’ll never be good enough, but the exhaustion she sees in Adora’s face tells her this isn’t the time. After all, they had ended a war earlier that day. Adora doesn’t need Catra’s problems on her shoulders right now. It can wait.

Adora lowers her head slightly and places her forehead against Catra’s. “Besides, I think we both deserve to rest right now” Adora says. “Are you ok to stand up?” Catra nods and they both stand. Adora takes her by the hand and pulls her to the dresser before handing her a new set of clothes. Catra looks at them skeptically, the garments being much different than anything she’s ever worn, but she puts them on without question. The bed is also much different than she’s used to, softer and with more pillows than she thinks anyone would ever need. Catra tentatively lays down.

Once she’d gotten to be somewhat comfortable, she notices Adora sitting on the edge of the bed tentatively. “Do you, uh, do you want me to stay? I can give you some privacy, it being your first night and all” Adora says, eyeing the door and wringing her hands slightly. Catra had just assumed they would share a room, but maybe she had misread the situation. Sure, they were in Catra’s new room, but what did it matter whose room it was? Maybe Adora had had enough of her for the day, needed to be alone. Maybe she was sick of being with Catra. They had been on opposite sides for so long, it might take some time to get used to being on the same one again, and she couldn’t fault Adora for that. Like she had said, maybe they just needed time. Maybe Adora needed time.

She sat up slightly and forced a smirk. She didn’t think it was convincing. “If you’re sick of me you can just say it” Catra said, trying to sound like her normal self. She wasn’t entirely joking.

Adora looked at the door and then looked back at her. “Can I stay? Just for tonight? You can have the room to yourself tomorrow but I…I miss you” Adora says, no hint of sarcasm in her voice. Catra’s smile faulters, and she stares at Adora speechless. She’s not sure what to think anymore. Adora had never given up on her but had also always given her the space she needed to heal. It was rare for her to ask for something like this. All Catra could do was nod.

Adora nods back and gets into the bed next to Catra, suddenly unsure. Catra missed this. They may be snarky with each other, but ever since they’d been kids they had been open with each other too. She knows Adora is trying to keep her safe and maybe even a bit sheltered for now, but she’s not perfect. As much as Catra knows Adora is trying to be strong for her, Adora should be able to show weakness too.

Catra curls herself around Adora and puts her head on Adora’s chest. She can feel Adora becoming less tense. Catra purrs quietly as she begins to drift off. “I love you” she says, and the last thing she remembers before falling asleep is Adora sighing happily against her hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is literally my first fic, but I was compelled. Might add onto this later but I'm not totally sure. This was kind of a spur of the moment thing so that's to be determined, but I have a lot of ideas. Feel free to tell me if you want to see more of this.  
> Also this was 100% for personal catharsis and I may or may not be projecting just a little, but who doesn't once in a while.  
> Also the title is from the song Let Love Bleed Red by Sleeping With Sirens. I couldn't think of anything better cause how the hell does anyone come up with a title.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of the first chapter. Let's just say Catra really needs some therapy.

_Catra wakes to an empty bed, alone in a cold room. Something is different, but she can’t quite put her finger on it. She opens her eyes to the blinding fluorescent lights characteristic of the Horde. She groans and lays her arm over her eyes in an attempt to fall asleep for just a few minutes more. Unable to will herself back to sleep, she sits up and stretches leisurely, looking around the room for something she can’t quite place. She’s got a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach, but this is nothing new. Everyday in the Horde is some form of bad, so this feeling of dread is normal. Still, she’s sure there’s something wrong._

_She shakes off the feeling and dresses in her standard uniform. This, too, feels strange, almost as if she shouldn’t be wearing it, but that’s crazy. What else would she be wearing? She picks up her Force Captain badge and feels the shape of it for a moment, letting it ground her, before putting it on. Whatever this weird feeling is, she doesn’t have time to figure it out now. She’s not sure what she’s meant to be doing, can’t even remember the last time she was given an assignment, but she moves with purpose nonetheless._

_Catra leaves her room and walks through the dark hallways that seem to stretch endlessly. Had the halls always been so maze-like? Every turn she takes leads her in directions she doesn’t remember ever going before. This, too, is crazy. There’s no way the whole Fright Zone just rearranged itself overnight. Catra figures that must be this weird feeling. Maybe she has some kind of memory loss from a mission. That seems like it could be right, and she can’t think of any other reason she would be so unsettled. This is where she’s lived her whole life, but suddenly the halls are winding and uncoordinated instead of the mechanical, logical pattern she remembers._

_After what seems like an unending stretch of time, Catra finds the locker rooms and sits on the bench for a moment to think. Attempting to recall the way back to her room leaves her with a headache, which seems strange; she just took that exact path to get there, yet when she tries to remember the way back it seems impossible to say. She puts her head in her hands and wills herself to think clearly._

_"Catra? What are you doing in here?” a familiar voice calls from her left. Catra’s head snaps up to see Scorpia approaching her. “Hordak wants to see you, he’s been trying to call for ages.” Scorpia looks down at Catra with one eyebrow raised, seemingly confused at her forgetfulness._

_"Well how was I supposed to know that!” Catra growls, approaching Scorpia menacingly. Instead of cowering or apologizing as Catra expected, Scorpia seems unaffected by the show of force. “Uh, Catra?” Scorpia says condescendingly. She points one claw at her own badge, as if mocking Catra for forgetting she too had one. Catra looked down at the place she knew she had placed her Force Captain badge when she woke up and found it missing. “I just had it right here, I swear” Catra says in genuine confusion, unwittingly letting her guard down._

_"I don’t know why they even trusted you with that thing, obviously Hordak wasn’t thinking straight” Scorpia says almost sarcastically. Catra looks at her in renewed confusion. Since when had Scorpia had an attitude? “Just go see him, he’s in his sanctum. He’s been calling for a while, so expect the worst.” Scorpia says, leaving the same way she came in. Catra watches her go, the sickening feeling in her stomach only growing worse with her friends’ odd behavior._

_Catra once again traverses the unfamiliar labyrinth endlessly. There are no doors or windows, and this only leads to worsening anxiety. She can’t tell how much time has passed, or if any has passed at all. By the time she finds Hordak’s sanctum, it seems as though it has been an eternity. She finds it strange that she hasn’t seen anyone else, not only people she knew but also those she doesn’t. Usually there are at the very least guards patrolling the corridors, but the only footsteps she hears are her own. The doors to the sanctum are already open, and when she enters, the sickening feeling only worsens._

_"Come in, Force Captain, come in. Don’t be shy.” Hordak’s voice echoes off the metal walls in a way Catra doesn’t remember it ever doing before. Hordak is standing in front of a wall of monitors with indecipherable text across all the screens. Trying to make sense of any of the information is impossible. Catra walks forward slowly, unsure of how to proceed. She looks around for anything out of the ordinary but finds it all as it had been. Much of the room is cloaked in shadow. Catra tries to force the panic back down, to no avail, as she inches forward. Despite Hordak facing away from her as he types something on the screen, his attention seemingly pulled away from her, she feels as though he is staring directly at her._

_"Do you know why I’ve called you here?” Hordak says, still typing. Catra stops moving and composes herself as much as possible. “No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me, so let’s just get this over with” Catra says, attempting to sound confident but missing by a mile. Hordak stops typing but doesn’t move to look at her. She can tell he is relishing this moment without even being able to see his face. “Come now, there’s no reason for us to be enemies, we’re on the same side” Hordak says. He presses a button on the keyboard and pulls one of the monitors closer. “Besides, I thought you would be happy to see your old friend.”_

_Catra pauses at this. She doesn’t have any friends, not anymore. She doesn’t need them. She can feel the panic start to creep back from where she had pushed it down, but she’s not sure why. “I-I don’t know what you mean, I don’t have any friends” Catra says, and her voice wobbles slightly. Hordak chuckles deep in his throat, a menacing sound clearly meant to scare her. He turns to her and pulls the monitor with him._

_Catra’s mouth goes dry. The figure of Hordak is replaced with the larger, more menacing figure of Horde Prime as he turns to her. He grins maliciously, clearly relishing in her anguish. He walks towards her, still dragging the monitor with him. On the screen is Adora, held in a prison cell in the same style as the one she remembers on Horde Prime’s ship. She sits in the corner of the room, hunched over, shaking, and clearly hurt, although she has no visible wounds. Catra makes no noise as she sinks to the ground, eyes wide, panic completely overtaking her. Horde Prime laughs over her as she sits on the ground and covers her head with her arms, allowing the panic to set in. She closes her eyes as tight as she can and wills the laughter to stop._

_And just like that, it does. Catra slowly opens her eyes and realizes she is now on board Horde Prime’s ship, although he is nowhere in sight. She stands on shaky legs, listening intently for any sign of Prime or one of his clones. The ship seems to be silent. A high pitched scream shatters the calm, a voice that is all too familiar. Catra runs in what she thinks is the direction of the noise, although she can’t be sure._

_"Catra!” Adora screams, and she runs faster than she thought possible. All of the corridors are identical, and Catra can’t tell where the screams are coming from. “Help, please! Catra, help!” Adora continues yelling, and Catra’s panic makes it impossible to focus on anything but her need to reach Adora. “Adora! Where are you!? I…I can’t find you!” Catra yells, but Adora only continues to yell for her. She pays no attention to which direction she runs, intent only on moving. Catra is disoriented and panicking. She can’t breathe, can’t think, and knows that she’s making no progress. She doesn’t know where she is, but something within her is telling her what she already knows: she’ll never be able to find her. She runs until her legs give out and collapses, broken, in the middle of the corridor. Adora’s screams fill her head as she curls around herself on the floor, covering her ears and rocking back and forth. Adora only seems to yell louder and more desperately, and Catra can feel tears start to fall down her cheeks._

_"Catra! Catra, please!”_

“Catra, please.”

Catra wakes up in Adora’s lap, her head resting against her shoulder. It’s still very dark outside, and she is groggy with sleep. Adora cradles her head with one hand, her other arm around Catra’s waist, rocking them both as she sobs and weakly calls for Catra. She’s sniffling, obviously having cried for a long time before Catra wakes. She holds Catra tenderly, as though she might turn to dust if she holds her any tighter.

“Adora?” Catra says in disbelief as she brings one hand up to her cheek, and Adora jumps. For a moment, she looks at her as though she’s seen a ghost, but her expression quickly changes to one of relief. She wraps both arms around Catra and hugs her tightly, crying into her shoulder. “You’re awake, you’re awake, you’re ok” Adora repeats as if to reassure herself that she’s not imagining things. Catra pulls away after a moment and puts one hand on Adora’s cheek, gripping her forearm with the other. Catra, too, feels like she’s looking at a ghost, can still feel the panic that consumed her whole body in the nightmare. Adora leans into the touch, and Catra’s face falls as she wipes away a tear.

“What’s wrong?” Catra says, with panic edging into her voice that she doesn’t even think to hide. She’s too weak for that, feels as if she’s run a marathon. Her eyes search Adora’s face for answers, but she finds none. Adora puts one hand over Catra’s heart, as if to make sure that she’s really there, alive and breathing. She takes a ragged breath.

“You…” Adora starts and takes another moment to breathe. “You were shaking and thrashing a-and you were yelling, and you sounded like y-you were in pain and I got s-so scared, Catra, I was so scared.” She pauses to take a breath and calm down again. “I thought you were in pain. I tried to shake you awake but…” she says and stops abruptly. She looks away as she says “you wouldn’t wake up. No matter what I did. I-I didn’t know what to do, nothing was working.”

“I’m ok, I swear. It was just a nightmare” Catra says, smiling weakly. She can feel Adora’s need to argue, to ask what she dreamt about and make it ok. She can see it in her face. Before she can say anything, Catra says “besides, it’s still dark out, and I know you’re still tired. Let’s just go back to sleep, we can deal with this in the morning.”

“What if it happens again?” Adora says, her voice wobbling and tears threatening to fall again. “What if I can’t wake you up?”

“Look Adora, if it happens again, I give you permission to do whatever you have to do to wake me up” Catra says with confidence, but this time she’s telling the truth. “Throw me against a wall if you have to, I don’t care.” Adora gives a weak laugh but the smile on her lips is genuine. She looks away from Catra for a moment, most likely wondering if it would be worth it to continue arguing, but evidently she decides against it. “Ok, you’re right” Adora says, wiping her eyes with the back of one hand.

Catra pulls them both down to the bed again. Adora rests her head on her chest with her ear over Catra’s heart. Slowly, Catra feels Adora’s tension melt as she falls asleep, the rise and fall of her chest against Catra’s side slowing considerably. She knows she won’t be able to sleep again tonight, and eventually decides to keep watch over Adora. Of all people, Adora is the last one who needs protecting, and she knows that, but she can’t stop herself from worrying. There’s only so much Catra has control over right now, but this, she thinks, at the very least is something she knows. Caring for Adora is the easiest thing in the world, and as the night stretches on and the sun starts to peek over the horizon, Catra can feel that control slipping through her fingers. Soon the world will wake, and another day will come and go intent on scaring her, but for now, her mind is filled with the certainty and quiet of night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a big sucker for hurt/comfort, so here's more of that. Also I know the end of the nightmare part is like a direct role reversal of the end of season 5 but I swear to god that was a complete accident. I didn't even realize I had done it until I was re-reading it.  
> Hope you guys like this! Thanks so much for the comments on chapter 1. I'm not sure how long this is gonna end up being but I figure I'll keep going till I have nothing more to say. In the meantime, enjoy this totally self-indulgent, very much projecting onto the characters fic.  
> Edit: I just made a blog for fics on tumblr! Come say hi @ katertran  
> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having friends, especially those you were enemies with for so long, takes a lot of getting used to. Catra doesn't understand why everyone else can just forget that she tried to destroy them so quickly, and it worries her.  
> Once again, Catra needs therapy but this time there's a lot of introspection. At the very least, it's a start.

Peace and safety can be difficult to get used to when both concepts have been abstract and formless your whole life. When the smallest mistake or show of weakness can mean, at best, discipline, and moving too slow means being left behind to die, patience seems foreign. Catra knows what she needs now is patience and time to cope, but these are strange to her. She’s never had time to cope, that in itself is a luxury she was never afforded. Instead, she learned to tear others down, but now she is surrounded by those she tried to destroy. But, strangest of all, she thinks, is that they welcome her with open arms, no apologies needed.

Catra’s instincts tell her not to talk to them, to avoid those she hurt at all costs, because surely their patience will run out. It’s much easier to hide the guilt when you don’t have to look into the eyes of those you tried to destroy. Even Adora, who seems most patient of all and tries so hard to help when she is overwhelmed, is sure to turn her back on her. She’s never been good enough, even when she was essentially second in command to Hordak. Then again, her time in the Fright Zone in and of itself should be enough reason for them all to hate her. Nonetheless, no matter how much she tries to be better, it’s not enough.

The morning after her first night in the castle, Melog returns to her. She’s not sure where he ran off to after the heart, but she hadn’t had the energy to look for him. Throughout the coming days, he never leaves her side.

In her first days in the castle, she comes to know discomfort intimately. However, when she gets too overwhelmed and can feel the panic creeping up on her, Catra has taken to finding her own ways to cope. Most recently, she’s started aimlessly wandering around the castle in an attempt to make a mental map of the building, with Melog at her side. This is what she knows, this planning and memorizing to survive, and so it grounds her. Sometimes though, it reminds her of the Fright Zone in her dreams, the confusing and strange twists and turns, and this in itself is cause for panic as well. One day, however, she finds herself outside in the royal garden. Even though it sits just below her bedroom window, she hadn’t been able to find a path to it though the castle, but now she sets to memorizing this path from the garden to her room. It takes time, and many wrong turns, but eventually she is able to take a direct path between the two locations with minimal issue. This knowledge gives her a sense of pride, having figured it out on her own, and now having at least some idea of what her new home is like. When she becomes overwhelmed in the coming days, she finds herself gravitating towards the garden.

As much as Catra tries to avoid other people, Adora seems to be intent on getting her to socialize. She had been able to avoid breakfast with Glimmer and Bow for a few mornings in the castle, but Adora wasn’t having it. She practically had to drag Catra out of her room for as much as she struggled. Melog trails pensively behind, refusing to leave Catra’s side for even a moment. As they ate, Glimmer and Bow both tried to make conversation with her and Adora, but Catra remained relatively silent. Melog sits uneasily at her feet below the table, slightly on edge as he mirrors Catra’s own mood. The pity she sees in their eyes and awkward side glances they share with each other tells her all she needs to know. Clearly Adora had told them how much she had been struggling. She finds that as much as she wants to hate them for their pity, she just can’t. They had so easily forgotten all the hurt she had caused them, and they had been so quick to call her a friend. She couldn’t understand how they had brushed off their shared past, considering none of it had been good. She doesn’t understand any of the people in Bright Moon, and as much as they say insist otherwise, she knows they don’t understand her either. They may be on the same side now, but for so long she had been intent on destroying them all. It was a lot to think through, and she hasn’t had nearly enough time to do so.

“Catra? You still with us?” Glimmer says from across the table, waving one hand in front of Catra’s face. She tunes back in, realizing she had missed a few minutes of conversation while deep in thought. She looks around the table as if for a clue about what they had been talking about, but Bow and Adora have the same concerned expression as Glimmer. “Yeah, sorry, just…lost in thought, I guess. What were you saying?” Catra says, attempting to sound nonchalant.

The other three share a momentary glance. “Are you sure you’re doing ok? You haven’t really eaten much” Bow says, gesturing first at her plate and then at the heaps of food between them. He has a point; she’s barely touched any of the food on her plate, but despite her stomach’s protests, she’s not in the mood to eat. “I’m ok, I’m not really that hungry” Catra says, waving one hand dismissively and feigning indifference. The three share another glance, and that’s when Catra decides she’d rather be anywhere than with this pity party.

“I think I’m gonna go anyways, its been fun” Catra says, and stands to leave, Melog trailing close behind. Before she can move too far from the table, Glimmer stands and grabs Catra by the wrist. Catra turns towards her but doesn’t pull her arm away. “You don’t have to go Catra, we want you here. Bow and I have barely seen you since you moved in. We just…” Glimmer turns and looks towards the two still sitting at the table, “we just want to make sure you’re ok.”

“I’m fine, I just want to be alone. Haven’t had much time to settle in yet, have I?” Catra says. Glimmer stares at her for a moment, contemplating whether or not to ask her to stay again. After a moment, she releases her wrist but doesn’t move to sit at the table. “Yeah I guess you’re right” Glimmer says, her eyes looking anywhere but at Catra’s face. “Just…you know you can always talk to us, right? We’re the best friends squad, we’re here for you” Glimmer says, finally looking Catra in the eye once she finished speaking, a small, hopeful smile on her face. Melog sits at Catra’s side, his head resting against her leg as he sits tensely.

Catra nods slightly. “Yeah, I know” she says, and walks out of the dining room without further debate. Once the doors close behind her, she turns towards them again and contemplates going back in. After all, they had just wanted to help. They could clearly see that she was having a hard time even just sitting down for breakfast, but that’s the problem, isn’t it? Even just eating breakfast is emotionally exhausting when everyone is visibly worrying about her. And pitying her. If there’s one thing she can’t stand, it’s pity. Hatred? Sure, a lot of people have hated her before, she can handle that. But pity is a whole other monster, and it’s not something she wants to pour her soul out about over breakfast.

She looks down at Melog, his ears and head down as he meows sadly. She begins to wander aimlessly through the castle halls again with Melog trailing behind, trying to forget the whole encounter. There’s no use going back now, she thinks, the damage has been done. Inexplicably, she finds herself at the entrance to the royal gardens, and pauses. Catra looks behind herself back the way she came, again wondering if it would be worth backtracking. Deciding against it, she steps onto the garden path. As she wanders through the garden, she makes a point to run her hands through the higher bushes and grasses, feeling the different textures of each. The stone path beneath her feet is grounding but not pleasant. She walks into a small patch of grass not far from the path. The lowers herself to the ground, crossing her legs beneath her, and places the palms of her hands in the grass. Melog sits next to her and lays down, content. She closes her eyes and lowers her head slightly, allowing the coolness under her hands to calm her racing heart and willing herself to focus only on the sensations of the garden around her.

She feels herself calm enough to be able to think again. Eventually, she hears footsteps near the garden entrance, slowly approaching her, and braces herself for the worst. She folds her arms over her chest and looks away from the path so she doesn’t have to look whoever it is in the eye. “Look Adora, I’m not looking for a lecture and I’m not going to apologize” Catra says as matter-of-factly as she can.

“I’m not looking for an apology” Glimmer says from beside her, and Catra looks up in surprise. She looks away from her again and grimaces. “What do you want, sparkles?” She says. To her surprise, Glimmer moves to her side and sits, facing the same direction as her. Glimmer looks straight ahead and lets out a deep sigh. She pulls her knees towards her chest and wraps her arms around them, placing her chin on her arms.

“I know you don’t want to see any of us right now, but I just…I can’t figure out why” Glimmer says, no hint of malice in her voice. “I thought we were friends, I thought you were learning to trust us. I know you haven’t lived here before and all of this stuff is new to you but I didn’t think you were gonna push us away like this.” There’s sadness in her voice but no tears, and Catra can hear the sincerity in the words.

“Yeah well, I guess you don’t really know me, huh” Catra says. She puts her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hands, also looking forward. She feels almost guilty at Glimmer’s admission, but she knows she’s right. It wasn’t long ago that they hated each other’s guts, but it all changed when she saved her from Horde Prime. Still, one good act can’t just erase all of the other bad things she’s done to her. It doesn’t mean Glimmer knows her.

“I don’t know you, and neither does Bow, but we want to” Glimmer says. “We want you to be happy here, and we know we could help you if you just let us.” Her tone is confident, as if she thinks the key to Catra’s healing is somehow within her. It’s bullshit, all of it is. She didn’t come here for some magical friend healing, that’s not how it works.

“I don’t need your help, or your pity” Catra says gruffly, “I’ll get used to it on my own, I’ve never needed anyone’s help and I sure as hell don’t need it now.” Even as she says it, she knows its not true. Every time she tried to better herself on her own it ended in ruin; everything she ever did for her own gain was doomed from the start. But when she had entered the heart with Adora without a thought, and certainly without a shred of self-preservation, she wasn’t doing it for herself; she was doing it for Adora. Every truly good thing she had ever done had been for Adora, trying to show her that she deserved more than what she believed she did. It was hypocritical, she knew, but as much as she believed Adora deserved better she didn’t believe the same for herself.

“I know you don’t need our help, but we want to help anyways” Glimmer says, and Catra pauses at this. She had always rejected others when they offered to help her, why should Glimmer believe it would be any different now? “Even if you can do it alone, it’s always easier with more people. You don’t have to do it on your own, you know. You have friends now, and we’ll always be here if you want us to be.” Catra doesn’t answer for a long time and the silence stretches between them. After a while, Glimmer gets up and looks at Catra for another moment, and then turns to leave.

Before she can walk too far, Catra says “I know and…I’m sorry.” Glimmer stops for a moment, and Catra knows that she’s heard her. After a moment, she hears her footsteps receding. Melog puts his head up and he follows Glimmer’s movement until she is out of sight. He meows at Catra and puts his head in her lap, allowing her to pet him. She sits in the garden for a long time until night falls. She knows Adora will be looking for her, worried about her absence but not wanting to be constricting when Catra needs space. She gazes up at the stars once more before standing on unsteady legs numb from inactivity and leaves her safe place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure how long I'm gonna be able to be able to post every day. I'm definitely projecting some of my own trauma onto Catra here.  
> Come say hi on my [tumblr](https://katertran.tumblr.com/)!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra is still having nightmares, and it's getting harder to cope. She doesn't want to admit she needs help, especially to those she loves, but she knows she has to eventually.

Catra wakes from another nightmare in a cold sweat and shaking violently. Her head is on Adora’s chest, her counterpart still deep in sleep. The nightmares still come every time she closes her eyes, but she no longer wakes screaming, the blind panic from before evolving into a quiet anxiety. She doesn’t wake Adora anymore, and she’s usually able to calm herself enough before she wakes naturally so as to act like nothing happened. As with every other night, it’s still dark outside when Catra sits up, but a small amount of light peaks over the horizon. Unfortunately, she knows sleep, as least for the rest of the night, is a lost cause. She slowly crawls off the bed, making sure not to disturb Adora.

As her feet reach for the floor, there is a warm body beneath them. Melog lays stretched out at the side of the bed, alert and staring at Catra. She moves her feet further from the bed until they land on a cold floor. She walks towards the bathroom with Melog trailing behind, and he meows at her. Catra turns quickly and shushes him, waiting for any sign of movement from the bed. When there is none, she turns and enters the bathroom. Catra splashes water over her face and rubs the sleep from her eyes, willing herself awake enough to think. She stares in the mirror for a moment, running her hands through her too short hair. In the short time since it had been cut it hasn’t grown much, and she frowns at her reflection, unhappy with the length.

With a deep sigh, she re-enters the bedroom and dresses in her regular clothes as quickly as possible. The clothes, in a way, are like a shield, something normal to help ground her. This, at the very least, is one of the few everyday things she can find comfort in. With one last glance at Adora, she slips out of their room, Melog right beside her. She hopes to be back before she wakes, but she knows she needs time to get rid of the restless energy left over from the nightmare.

This is not the first time Catra’s done this, and she enjoys the peaceful calm of the castle in the early morning. While there are some guards here and there, the majority of the castle’s occupants won’t be awake for several hours. In the few weeks she’s lived in the castle, she’s started to get the hang of the floorplan, and because of this, she finds it much easier to avoid anyone she doesn’t particularly want to see. She hasn’t seen the whole castle yet, instead choosing to explore small sections at a time and memorizing it before moving on. Melog hasn’t left her side since he returned. At first she had thought this to be annoying, feeling as though her privacy had been forcefully taken from her. Now though, she sees him more as a consistent and comforting presence.

She walks for a long time, passing through parts of the castle she knows well, and the sun begins to slowly slip over the horizon. As she enters an unfamiliar corridor, Glimmer appears from a branching hallway, turning in the same direction she’s going. Glimmer instead turns to look at her and smiles, waving to Catra to walk with her. In her other hand, she holds a large roll of paper. Glimmer stops until Catra and Melog catch up, and they continue walking.

“What has you up so early?” Glimmer says, “I didn’t expect you guys to be awake for a while.”

“Just having trouble sleeping” Catra says as nonchalantly as she can. She raises one eyebrow and points to the roll in Glimmer’s hand as she says, “What’s with the papers?”

“Oh!” Glimmer says excitedly, stopping abruptly to unroll the paper between her hands. On it is a large drawing of a floorplan, part of it pre-drawn and another clearly drawn and redrawn several times. “We’re finally starting the construction on the castle! So much of it was destroyed but with everyone rebuilding their own homes we didn’t have the people to do it until now. Here, grab this side” Glimmer says, indicating the left side of the paper. Catra takes it from her as she starts pointing to different sections of the drawing. She points at the more readable section of the drawing as she says, “This is what was left standing and the hand drawn part here is what’s going to be new. We were able to salvage a lot more than we thought but it’s still going to take a while to rebuild.”

Glimmer continues with what she’s saying, going over some logistics and many of the specifics of the plan, but Catra isn’t listening. Less than half of the drawing is what remains of the castle. She hadn’t realized just how much had been lost, had almost forgotten that the castle had been affected at all. Catra had seen so little of it, and even then, she hadn’t really left the castle grounds at all in weeks.

Glimmer stops talking abruptly and looks over at her. Catra looks at her for several seconds before shaking her head a bit in an attempt to focus. “Sorry, what were you saying?” Catra says as normally as she can, but Glimmer looks at her concerned. “Catra, you’ve been acting really weird lately. I know you’re not exactly used to life here yet, but this isn’t like you. Is something bothering you?” Glimmer says, audible worry in her voice.

Catra thinks for a moment before deciding on telling the truth. She knows she could keep evading the question, tell everyone that everything is ok over and over again until they actually believe it, but she knows she can’t do it forever. She doesn’t want to be scared of these people her whole life. You don’t build a bridge by burning the planks. She gives Glimmer her side of the paper back and sighs deeply.

“I just…” She says, not knowing where to start, “I keep having these nightmares, about the Fright Zone and…and Hordak. And Horde Prime. It’s always confusing and scary and they just won’t go away. I don’t know how to make them stop.”

Glimmer nods as she speaks, worry never leaving her face. “Have you told Adora?” She asks. Catra looks away from her, and she knows that this is admission enough. Glimmer nods again and says “She’s worried about you, you know. She just wants to help, but she can’t if you won’t tell her what’s wrong.” Catra opens her mouth and quickly closes it again. She nods at Glimmer, unable to look her in the eye. Glimmer puts her hand on Catra’s shoulder as she says “It’s gonna be ok, it gets better. It did for Adora, and it will for you, you just have to let us in. Go get some sleep” Glimmer says, and walks in the same direction she had been going.

Catra stands in the middle of the hallway for another moment. Melog sits by her side, rubbing his head on her leg. He meows at her and she looks down at him for a moment before heading back to her room. When she reaches her bedroom door, she opens it slowly and peaks her head in, making sure to stay as quiet as possible. Adora sits on the edge of their bed, already dressed and pulling her hair back.

Adora looks up as she enters and smiles at her. “What are you doing up?” Catra says, closing the door behind her. “I could ask you the same thing” Adora says. Melog runs past Catra and throws himself at Adora’s feet, purring. She laughs and leans down to pet him. Adora stands and meets Catra in the middle of the room, putting her arms around Catra’s middle. Catra puts her arms around her shoulders and pulls her in for a kiss. After a moment, Adora pulls back and Catra puts her head on her shoulder, tucking her face into Adora’s neck and smiling.

“It was another nightmare, wasn’t it?” Adora says sadly. Catra frowns slightly and pulls her head back so she can look Adora in the eye. She looks away for a moment before looking her in the eye again and saying, “yeah, I just needed some time alone. And I didn’t want to wake you up.”

Adora searches her eyes for a moment before looking away. “I know you must have a reason not to tell me. I don’t want to push you but…I’m here for you, Catra. You don’t have to close me out and you don’t have to worry about it on your own.” She looks back at Catra’s face hopefully, a small smile on her lips.

“I…I keep having nightmares about the Fright Zone” Catra starts, feeling the beginnings of tears in her eyes but forcing them back before continuing. “And about Prime. It’s never the same but it’s always…awful. It’s like I can’t get that place out of my head. Like it’s always gonna haunt me.” Adora listens and nods as she speaks, concern painting her whole face. It’s getting harder to speak as she goes on, but Catra is intent on telling her the whole truth. “I keep waking up thinking he’s still in my head, or still in other people’s heads. It all happened so fast, with the chips. And I…I don’t know how to get it to stop. No one understands how this feels, that’s the hardest part. I don’t know who to talk to.”

A tear slips down her face as she finishes, and Adora brings a hand up to wipe it away. Catra closes her eyes for a moment and wipes away a few more tears. She takes a deep breath to compose herself and opens her eyes again. Adora’s hand is still on her cheek and she searches Catra’s face from arm’s length before pulling her in for a hug. “I’m sorry, I don’t know how to help. You’re right, about all of it. No one understands what you went through but that doesn’t mean we can’t listen.”

Catra nods against her shoulder and buries her face in Adora’s jacket. She’s not sure what she expected from telling her about the nightmares. She wasn’t expecting perfect advice, but she’s still slightly disappointed. At least now she knows, and they can move on from here.

Adora pulls back, clearly deep in thought. “Do you think Scorpia might, y’know, understand? Obviously she wouldn’t _completely_ get it but she’d probably know more than any of the rest of us.” Adora looks hopeful as she speaks, but the words are cautious.

Catra thinks on it and can’t find a reason not to visit Scorpia. In the weeks since their victory, she had been slowly rebuilding her kingdom with the help of its misplaced citizens, but Catra knew little more than that. Despite her anxiety about being anywhere near the Fright Zone, it might be best to talk with Scorpia, even if she can’t get her away from it.

Adora gives her a quick kiss and smiles as she pulls away. “Give it some thought” she says, moving towards the door. “I’ll be back after breakfast.”

Catra smiles at her as she leaves. As the door closes, her face falls slightly and she moves to sit on the bed. She puts her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands, taking deep breaths and attempting to focus. Telling Adora everything had been…hard to say the least, but she was glad it was over with, and that they could move on. Melog, who had sat near the bed during the interaction, jumped onto it and laid down beside her. Catra flopped down onto the bed and put one arm over her eyes, the calming feeling of Melog’s purring allowing her to finally relax.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My original idea for this chapter ended up being a bit long, so I'm splitting it into 2. Not sure when the next one will be up, probably just a couple more days.  
> She's getting better! Slowly. But it's getting there.  
> Leave me a comment or come say hi on my [tumblr](https://katertran.tumblr.com/)! Or both


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The best friends squad visits Scorpia at the Fright Zone.

A message is sent to Scorpia the same day, proposing a visit to Bright Moon. Her response had been overwhelmingly positive, although she didn’t have the time to leave her home. Even with the help of Entrapta and Hordak, deconstruction of the Fright Zone had been a slow process. Given that she was the one leading the charge, she simply wouldn’t have the luxury of leaving her post. In place of this, she had invited all of them to visit her instead.

Despite Catra’s protest, Glimmer, Bow, and Adora had insisted on joining her for the journey. As much as she wanted to have the trip to herself, she knew they could all use the distraction, as well as the opportunity to visit the princesses. Catra may have been the least social of them, but they all needed a few days of rest.

They had decided to ride Melog and Swift Wind to the Fright Zone as opposed to teleporting. Although it would have been much quicker, none of them had had a chance to see much of Etheria as it now stood. The journey wouldn’t be too long if all went as planned, and the opportunity to take in the new flora and fauna was worth the added time.

Catra lays in the grass just outside the castle with her arms behind her head and her eyes closed, Melog laying just beside her. They hadn’t planned to leave just yet, but Catra wants to relish the solitude and quiet for a bit before they do. The sun is still less than half visible over the horizon, and she hears muted footsteps approach from the castle. She readies herself to sit up, expecting one of the others to tell her they’re ready to head out. Instead, the figure lays down next to her. Catra opens her eyes and turns her head to see Adora laying in the same position she is, her head propped up slightly on her folded arms as she watches the sun rise.

Adora closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I get why you’d want to be out here so early, this is really nice” Adora says, a smile adorning her face. Adora’s hair shines in the low sunlight, almost like gold. Catra’s sure she’s never seen anything as beautiful in her whole life, but she can’t seem to get her voice to work right in order to say as much. Instead, she just stares at Adora in disbelief. Adora opens one eye and turns her head slightly to look at her. “You ok?” She asks.

Catra shakes her head slightly to clear her mind and nods. “Yeah, totally fine” she says hoarsely, and Adora laughs. Catra blushes profusely and turns her head to look towards the sky again. The two of them lay in the grass for a time, the only sounds being those of the breeze and Melog purring quietly.

After a short time, they hear two pairs of footsteps approach, as well as one set of hooves. Catra leans her head back just in time to see Bow, Glimmer, and Swift Wind come to a stop behind them. She and Adora sit up and turn towards them. “You guys ready to go?” Swift Wind says, flapping his wings lightly.

“Yeah, we’re ready” Adora says as she stands. She offers Catra her hand and helps her up. Melog stands and stretches his legs, his whole body shaking. He meows and rubs his head against Catra’s leg and Catra scratches behind his ears.

Bow and Glimmer mount Swift Wind, and Catra and Adora sit on Melog’s back. Catra holds onto Melog’s neck tightly. “Alright, let’s go” she says, and Melog and Swift Wind take off running.

As they travel, Catra barely notices their surroundings. When Etheria’s magic had been released, the life on the planet had changed dramatically, flourishing like none of them had ever seen it. Despite this, her attention is elsewhere entirely. All she can think about is the last time she had been in the Fright Zone, and all of the people currently there that she had hurt. She would have to confront all of it, she knew, and that thought alone made her anxiety grow.

The journey took longer than originally anticipated. They had been expecting to arrive in the early afternoon, but by the time they actually reached their destination, the sun was nearly at the horizon.

As they approach the Fright Zone, Catra is able to see just how much damage had been done, not only by Horde Prime but also by neglect. It had been months since she had last been there, and years since it had felt like home. They found their way towards a large gathering of tents on the outskirts of the Fright Zone. The camp is just where Scorpia had said it would be, but even if they had had no directions, it would have been easy to find. The masses of tents are much more brightly colored than their surroundings, most likely an attempt to make the dark and foreboding land feel more like home. Close by, a team of workers are tearing apart large pieces of what used to be a hallway, and more teams are spread slightly further out, working on similar tasks. From just a glance it’s easy to tell that none of them have experience with the task at hand, but they work diligently nonetheless.

Adora spots Scorpia among one of the teams, and they ride towards her. As they approach, she turns to look at them, smiling. “Hey guys!” She says excitedly as they near, “You’re a lot later than I thought. We just finished dinner.”

Melog and Swift Wind slow to a stop and they all dismount. As soon as Catra’s feet are on the ground, Scorpia is hugging her tightly. “Oh my god, I’ve missed you all so much!” She says, laughing excitedly and finally lets go of Catra. She stands still for a few seconds in an attempt to reorient herself. “Sorry” Scorpia says, scratching her neck the way she always does when she knows she’s upset Catra, “you know I’m a hugger.”

Adora, Bow, and Glimmer all hug Scorpia at once, nearly knocking her over, and all four of them laugh. Catra watches, amused, before Adora pulls at her arm and forces her into the hug with them. “Oh, it’s so good to see all of you” Scorpia says as she gives one last squeeze, and they all let go. She looks up for a moment at the cloudless sky. “Come on, let’s go sit in my tent. You guys have been in the sun a long time.”

She leads them through the maze of tents to a large, bright red one directly in the center. A large table covered in papers takes up nearly half the tent. There’s barely enough room for the four of them to sit, but they manage to do so in such a way that they’re all facing each other. Melog lays down to Catra’s left and closes his eyes.

Scorpia places several small bowls of food and cups of water near them. “You guys must be so thirsty, traveling so much” she says, and sits in the place they’ve left for her in the circle. “Aren’t you thirsty too? It looked like you guys were working hard out there” Bow says.

“Oh yeah, well we usually rotate who works on what days, so it’s really not that bad. It goes a lot slower but it’s so hot out there and we all need breaks once in a while” she says matter-of-factly. “What you saw out there is only about half of our people. We figured out that one day of rest and one day of work works best for everyone. That way no one hurts themselves and we still make progress.”

Catra listens to her friend intently, but her thoughts are all over the place. It’s difficult to reconcile the mean, sarcastic Scorpia in her nightmares with the sweet, kind one in front of her. She had been worried that Scorpia would be upset with her, having had more time to process everything Catra had done, but her anxieties had been unfounded. She had been very welcoming, as she always was, but Catra hadn’t seen her in almost a month. Her most recent memories of her had been from her own imagination, and as much as she knew that these versions of her weren’t real, it was hard to separate the two.

“So how are things going in Bright Moon?” Scorpia says excitedly, and Catra tunes back into the conversation. She realizes that Scorpia is looking at her and waiting for an answer, but Glimmer speaks before she can attempt to cobble a sentence together. “It’s been slow in Bright Moon too. We weren’t able to start on the castle reconstruction until a week ago, and we keep having to redraw the blueprints.”

“We lost more of the castle than we had originally thought, but a good portion of the base is still standing” Bow says, “As much as we’d like to ask for help from outside of Bright Moon, it’s just not feasible. Everyone else is rebuilding too, we all got hit pretty hard.”

Scorpia listens intently and nods. “I know what you mean” she says, not really looking directly at any of them, “when we started taking apart the buildings here, we didn’t really know what we were up against. None of us have any experience with construction but we’re figuring it out as we go. Thankfully taking apart the old structure isn’t that hard, but we haven’t started building anything yet, and I’m worried about what that’s gonna look like.” Scorpia speaks solemnly, clearly unaccustomed to the weight of sole leadership resting on her shoulders. She looks tired, as though she hadn’t been letting herself rest as much as she claimed. As Scorpia speaks, all Catra can think about is the reflection of her own exhaustion that she sees in her.

The group recounts the events of the past month for a time before running footsteps are heard approaching the tent. One of the workers, a Horde clone, peaks his head into the tent as he pulls aside the fabric that serves as a makeshift door. “Scorpia, Entrapta needs your help” he says breathlessly. He takes in the rest of the group, seemingly oblivious to them until just this moment. “Oh, I didn’t mean to intrude. I can just tell her you can’t…”

“Oh, no! It’s fine! Tell her I’ll be right out” Scorpia says hurriedly. The clone nods at her, then to the rest of the group, and leaves. She stands and looks towards the others. “Sorry guys, looks like they need me again. We can talk later, make yourselves at home” she says, and hurries out of the tent.

The four sit in silence for a moment in shock. “Well, she certainly has a lot on her plate” Glimmer says, “I can’t imagine what it must be like for her, being back here and all.”

“Is it just me, or did she look really tired?” Adora says, one eyebrow raised. They all look at each other slowly. “Yeah, she definitely seemed more run down that I remember” Bow says, “I hope she’s doing ok.”

“How are you two doing?” Glimmer says, looking between Catra and Adora. “I know this wasn’t exactly a great place for you guys.”

Adora shrugs. “It’s been so long since I’ve thought of this place as home. I’m just happy that it’s gonna be gone.” She looks over at Catra and raises an eyebrow, as if giving her control of the conversation.

Catra just looks at her for a moment, trying to put her thoughts to words. “It’s…definitely weird” she says, pausing for a moment. “I guess I don’t really know how to feel about it. It wasn’t all bad living here, there were some good times. Most of them were a long time ago though.” She turns to look at Melog, who looks up at her in return. “I think mostly I’m just tired. Maybe I should take a nap, I’ll have more time to feel things when I have more energy.”

“We could all use some rest, I think” Bow says to no one in particular.

“I’m gonna go check on Swift Wind, he must be hungry” Adora says. She stands awkwardly on stiff legs and takes a moment to regain her balance. “I’m good” she says, laughing a bit, and leaves the tent.

Glimmer and Bow look expectantly at Catra, and the weight of their stares makes her uncomfortable. “I’ll just…be here I guess” she says and lays down facing away from them with her head on Melog. Glimmer and Bow continue talking much more quietly, and Catra closes her eyes. The ground beneath her is hard, but she does her best to get comfortable. When she wakes, she knows she’ll have to confront her memories of this place, as well as the people she hurt in it. For now, she lets the gentle murmur of voices and Melog’s low purring lull her into a sense of safety, even as sleep evades her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know the chapter count went up, but this one also ended up being longer, so I had to split this up too. It felt like a natural place to stop, so I'm going with it.  
> I'll probably have something up every 2-3 days from now on.  
> Leave me a comment or come say hi on my [tumblr](https://katertran.tumblr.com/)!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short visit to the fright zone. Catra and Scorpia talk through some stuff.

Catra wakes disoriented. The tent around her is different than the one she fell asleep in, and Bow and Glimmer lay on the ground nearby. Swift Wind sleeps at the very edge of the tent. A low light peeks through the gaps in the tent walls and outside she can hear the camp coming to life. She sits up and stretches, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Melog, who she had been laying on, yawns and stretches before settling down next to her. Adora sits in a chair nearby doing her hair, and she turns her head when Catra sits up. She smiles, putting one finger in front of her closed lips and shushing quietly before pointing at the other two, still fast asleep.

Catra nods and smiles back. She stands and tiptoes around Glimmer and Bow, exiting the tent with Melog close behind. The air is incredibly hot and humid despite the sun sitting barely above the horizon, and she finds herself dreading the day to come for more than one reason. The tent she had been in is at the very edge of the camp, far from the looming structures of the Fright Zone.

Adora exits the tent just behind her. She puts her arms around Catra’s waist and pulls her back to her chest, hugging her tightly. “Good morning” she says and buries her face in Catra’s shoulder. She turns in Adora’s hold and puts her arms around her shoulders. “Morning” Catra says smiling, and she pulls Adora in for a kiss. When she moves away, she says “how did I get to this tent? I know I didn’t fall asleep here.”

“I carried you” Adora says, letting go of her and taking one of Catra’s hands. “Come on, let’s go get something to eat.”

“Wait, hold on, you carried me?” Catra says, surprised. “Why didn’t you just wake me up? I can walk on my own y’know.”

“I know but you just looked so tired and you’re cute when you sleep, I didn’t want to disturb you” Adora says, pulling on her hand again, “now come on!”

“Hey, I am not cute!” Catra says. Adora raises one eyebrow at her, clearly disagreeing, and Catra feels herself blushing. Adora rolls her eyes at her. “Come on, I’ll show you how to get there, this place is huge” Adora says, and Melog follows as she leads the way.

As they walk through the maze of tents, Catra does her best to take in their surroundings. The makeshift camp had clearly been established quickly, as the tents on the outskirts of the camp were set up in a much less organized way than those near the center. Uniformity is essentially nonexistent, and she finds herself wondering how anyone can get around with any confidence. Lots of people leave their interim homes as they pass, many of them greeting them amicably before moving on. They follow the slowly growing stream of people and arrive at a large tent filled with tables. The walls of the tent are rolled up and tied to the supporting beams at the roof, leaving a large, open gathering space.

“Hey, there’s Scorpia” Adora says, pointing at a table on the outskirts of the gathering. She pulls her along through the crowd towards their destination, and Catra starts to take in the people around her. They all seem to know each other despite the size of the group. Really looking at them for the first time, she notices that the community is made up of a seemingly random assortment of people. Many of them are Horde clones, who had been displaced after the war, but many of them seem to have come from all over Etheria. She would have thought that they would be in their own homes helping rebuild, and the presence of such a large array of people confuses her.

They reach Scorpia’s table and she stands to greet them. “Hey guys! Good to see you up so early” Scorpia says. She hugs both of them and gestures for them to sit down across from her. “Here, go ahead and sit down, you guys must be starving.”

“Are you sitting alone?” Adora says as they settle opposite Scorpia, and Melog sits by Catra’s side attentively. The table is covered with bowls of food, although some of them had clearly been eaten from already. “Oh yeah, Entrapta and Hordak were here just a few minutes ago but they already left. You know how Entrapta is when it comes to tech” Scorpia says and shrugs.

Catra and Adora start picking at the food laid out before them. “How did you guys sleep?” Scorpia asks. “It’s no castle but we do our best with what we have.”

“It was fine” Catra says, waving a hand dismissively. “I think by now we can sleep through just about anything.”

“Are you sure? We could find you guys cots or something, we gotta have some extras around here somewhere” Scorpia says, clearly uneasy.

Adora puts her hand on Scorpia’s claw. “It’s ok, we don’t need anything special. You don’t have to worry about us” she says reassuringly, “besides, it looks like you’ve got enough on your hands as it is.” Adora gestures behind herself at the rest of the tent packed with people.

Scorpia looks at her appreciatively. “Yeah, I’ve definitely been busy. I guess I’m not used to this leadership stuff yet” she says, “These guys are all really great though, I’m really thankful for that. They’re all such hard workers and we look out for each other.” She looks around happily at the mass of people and sighs.

Somewhere in the middle of the gathering, a table erupts in laughter and Catra briefly turns to look. “Where did all these people come from? Don’t they have places of their own that need help?” Catra says as she turns back to the table. “I mean I know the Horde clones didn’t have anywhere to go but I thought the rest of them would’ve gone home already.”

“Well I haven’t talked to all of them, but I know there’s a lot of different reasons” Scorpia says. “When I made the decision to come here, there weren’t many of us, but we’ve been growing a lot. I think some of them just want to see the Fright Zone gone, and they want to be a part of that. Some of them just wanted a place to call home.” A child shrieks excitedly a short distance from them and runs into the crowd. Scorpia watches, smiling, before she continues. “I didn’t think anyone would want to come back, and I had no idea where any of my people were, or if they were even still around. I just decided to invite anyone who wanted to help to join me, and since then they’ve all been finding us.”

“So they’re kind of like refugees” Adora says solemnly. Scorpia nods and sighs again. “Yeah, you could say that” she says. “Like I said, we’re doing the best we can with what we have, but we’re making progress. Once the Fright Zone is gone, we can actually build houses and have a real town. It’s a long way off but we’ll get there eventually.”

As they talk, the crowd starts to disperse. Small groups of people head in the direction of the Fright Zone as they excitedly talk amongst themselves. “That’s my cue” Scorpia says and stands up. “I gotta get to work, but you guys feel free to just explore. We can meet up again at lunch.” She smiles and gives a last decisive nod before following the teams of people.

As they leave, a second group of people slowly starts trickling into the newly vacated seats. With them are Bow and Glimmer, and the pair spots their table easily in the much less crowded tent. “You two had an early start” Glimmer says as they approach the table and sit across from Catra and Adora.

“What’s with all these people? I thought everyone just left” Catra says, eyeing those around her.

“These are all the people who have the day off” Bow says. “Scorpia said they rotate who works every day. These were all the people working yesterday.”

“But Scorpia was working yesterday too, shouldn’t she have the day off?” Catra says, confused. Bow and Glimmer look at each other and shrug. “Not sure” Bow says, “maybe she has a different schedule.”

They continue talking as they eat. The sun rises slowly into a cloudless sky, and the crowd in the tent also slowly disperses, although most of them stay in the camp. The four spend their time exploring the rows of tents until the workers return for lunch. They eat with Scorpia, passing time in much the same way as they had that morning.

“Where’s Entrapta? We haven’t seen her since we got here” Glimmer asks while they eat. Entrapta and Hordak hadn’t returned with the rest of the workers, and Catra too had found this strange.

“She and Hordak usually stay out there all day. I’ll bring her some food” Scorpia says nonchalantly. “You guys can come visit her if you want, I’m sure she could use a break.”

After lunch, Scorpia leads them to a section of the building already in the process of demolition. They walk through empty halls, quiet except for the sounds of their footsteps and the occasional noise from outside. Catra takes in their surroundings uneasily, a feeling of cold dread settling within her. Once again, the twisted, confusing version of this place from her nightmares comes back to her. She knows these halls, had lived here for most of her life, but she feels as though she doesn’t know it. As if maybe she never did.

Before long, Entrapta’s voice begins echoing off the walls around them, muffled but unmistakably hers. As they round a corner, a large open door comes into view and through it is an old training room. On one side of the large room, Entrapta works in front of a wall of monitors with Hordak standing patiently beside her. They both turn as the group approaches and she waves at them enthusiastically.

“Hey guys!” Entrapta yells. She continues typing for another moment, seemingly finishing what she had been working on, and turns to give them her full attention.

Scorpia holds up a bag of food and hands it to her. Entrapta sits and begins taking out food, and Hordak sits next to her. The rest of them look at Scorpia, who shrugs and sits down, and the rest follow suit. Entrapta asks about Bright Moon, and they recount the last month in much the way they had with Scorpia.

“So what are you guys doing in the Fright Zone?” Bow asks, “I thought you would’ve been in Dryl by now.”

Entrapta and Hordak look at each other for a moment. “We were for a time, but Scorpia asked us to return here” Hordak says slowly, choosing his words carefully. “She was worried that they might break something that could be useful and asked for our help.”

“Really it was a no-brainer” Scorpia says. “Entrapta’s good with tech and Hordak basically built this place from the ground up. If there’s anything worth saving around here, they would know how to find it.”

“When we started, we were just looking for any tech that could be salvaged, but there’s so much more!” Entrapta says excitedly. “We thought the computers would be unusable with so much destroyed, but most of them still work. We’re trying to save all the useful data before getting rid of this stuff, but there’s a lot of it.”

“Not to mention we have to sift through it all manually to make sure we don’t miss anything” Hordak says gravely. “Unfortunately, it seems I was very good at making things difficult to find, so the process is slow.”

Entrapta and Hordak finish eating and hand the empty bag to Scorpia. “Thanks guys, but we gotta get back to work” Entrapta says, gesturing behind herself to the computers. “We’ll see you again before you leave, I promise.” As Entrapta and Hordak continue with their work, the others stand and retrace their steps out of the building.

Adora bumps Catra’s shoulder with her own as they walk. “Hey, you doing ok?” She asks. “It feels really weird being back here, especially with Hordak.”

Catra thinks for a moment before responding. “Yeah it’s kinda creepy” Catra says, shivering slightly. “I never thought I’d see Hordak here again, let alone that he would be helping take this place apart.”

“I know what you mean” Scorpia says. “When I asked Entrapta to help with the tech, I didn’t think Hordak would want to come with her. Yeah, he built this place, but I think it was always kind of a prison for him in a way, even if he didn’t want to admit it. He says he feels bad about how much this place hurt everyone, and that the least he can do is help with Entrapta’s stuff.”

Catra and Adora look at each other in surprise. “I know it doesn’t sound like Hordak to say something like that, but he really does feel bad” Scorpia says, shrugging. “In any case, he’s here now and I guess that’s all that matters, right?”

By the time they step outside, the heat has abated slightly. “I’m gonna get back to work, I’ve probably been away too long anyways” Scorpia says, walking towards a group of workers close by. “See you guys later tonight!”

They spend the afternoon in their tent to stay out of the sun, and Catra uses the time to sleep. When she wakes, Melog is laying by her side and Glimmer, Bow, and Adora speak quietly on the other side of the tent. They all turn to look at her as she sits up.

“You slept through dinner” Glimmer says amused. She stands and brings Catra a bowl of food and some water. “We figured you’d be hungry, so we brought back leftovers.”

Catra picks at the bowl of food, but she has no appetite. They had planned to stay only for one day, with Glimmer having little time to be away from Bright Moon. She knows that if she’s going to talk to Scorpia alone, it’ll have to be tonight, and the idea of talking through their shared trauma makes her sick to her stomach.

She pushes the bowl away and stands. The others look at her questioningly. “I think I’m gonna take a walk, I just need some fresh air” Catra says.

The three share a glance. “Ok, sure” Adora says. “Do you want one of us to go with you?”

“Nah, I’m good but…thanks” Catra says, and leaves with Melog. Outside, the sun has almost set and the temperature has cooled significantly. She stops for a moment, breathing in the night air, and attempts to retrace their steps from that morning. Without a stream of people to follow, its more difficult to find the center of the camp, but before long, she spots Scorpia’s red tent. She hears movement from within and light shines through the gaps in the tent walls.

“Scorpia? You in there?” Catra says, her voice raised slightly.

“Yeah, I’m in here! Come on in!” Scorpia yells. When Catra slips through the tent flap, Scorpia is sitting at the table on one side. She gestures for Catra to sit in an adjacent chair. “Do you need something? I didn’t see you at dinner” Scorpia says, moving a few papers out of the way.

“Yeah I just…thought we could talk if that’s ok” Catra says sheepishly. “We were only planning on staying until tomorrow, so now seemed like the best time.”

Realization dawns on Scorpia’s face. “Oh yeah, that’s right, you said you wanted to talk in the letter you guys sent,” she says, “I totally forgot about that. You wanted advice about something, right?”

Catra thinks for a second, finding it difficult to form sentences. “Kind of, yeah. I mostly just…need someone to talk to. About all of this.” she says, and Scorpia listens without interrupting. Catra looks away from her as she speaks, not wanting to see Scorpia’s reaction for the time being. “I’ve been having a hard time adjusting to…well, everything really, and I figured you’d understand better than anyone else.”

She chances a look at Scorpia, but she shows no resentment or pity. Her expression is neutral, and she nods as Catra finishes, encouraging her to continue. “I don’t know how much I’ll be able to help, but I can try” Scorpia says, smiling and shrugging weakly.

Catra takes a deep breath and looks away from Scorpia again. “I keep having nightmares about Hordak and the Fright Zone, all of it really. I don’t know how to be normal, it all just feels so…weird. There are so many things I’ve never seen or done before and I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t know how to just be myself all the time, I’ve never been able to do that.” She stops and takes a deep breath, allowing herself a second to calm down. “I want to be better and I swear I’m trying, but none of them get it. I’m sick of everyone pitying me and looking at me like I’m a lost kid. I know they just want the best for me, they won’t stop saying it, I just…I want to be better; I just don’t know how to do it.”

She takes a moment to breathe and collect herself before she looks at Scorpia again. When she does, Scorpia looks at her in mutual understanding. “I know what you mean, it’s definitely taken some getting used to for me too” she says.

Catra looks at her in surprise. “But…you’ve always been so good at this kind of stuff. You’re a princess, and you’re leading a huge group of people.”

Scorpia smiles weakly. “Yeah well, it’s all new to me. I’ve been a princess all my life but that didn’t mean anything until recently. I was never a leader like the others, and nothing could have prepared me for any of this but I’m getting the hang of it” she says.

They both pause for a brief moment. “How did you do it?” Catra asks helplessly. “How did you start…getting the hang of it? I’ve tried but it feels like nothing is getting any better.”

“Honestly, I don’t really know for sure” Scorpia says, “I don’t think it was any one thing that made it all better, but I’m not doing this alone. I have a whole community of people who want to help. They listen and give ideas and when something is overwhelming, they help me with it. I thought I would be making all these decisions and doing it all by myself but that’s not what it’s like at all. It’s a lot easier when I’m not the only one handling everything.”

Scorpia nods, as if assuring herself that she had said all she meant to. Catra looks at her, processing what she had said. “Isn’t it hard though? Asking for help?” She asks.

“It was at first, yeah. After a while, though, it didn’t really feel like asking for help anymore, it’s just what we do.” Scorpia takes a breath and looks directly at Catra. “I know it’s hard. We weren’t supposed to need help from anyone when we were in the Horde, and it just feels wrong somehow to admit that you need it. We have great friends though, and they’ll be there when you’re ready, even if it takes a while.”

Catra can feel herself tearing up, and she blinks it back as best she can. “I…yeah, you’re right” she says, looking away from Scorpia. “I should probably go, thanks for…all of this” she says, and turns to leave. Scorpia puts her arms around Catra and hugs her tightly, causing Catra to jump in surprise. “Any time, wildcat” Scorpia says, and she lets go of her.

Catra leaves and walks back to their tent, forcing herself to calm down completely before entering. That night she barely sleeps, instead staring at the ceiling of the tent and replaying her conversation with Scorpia. When they say goodbye to their friends before leaving the next morning, there are no tears, and Catra feels more content than she has in a very long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is quite a bit longer than the others have been, but it felt warranted.  
> I'm starting a new job tomorrow so I might be posting less frequently. Also might take a short break from this fic to write some cute domestic stuff I've been thinking about.  
> Come say hi on my [tumblr](https://katertran.tumblr.com/)!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer is working too hard, and this time Catra is the one to help.

For Glimmer, their return home is bittersweet. The castle reconstruction is a never ending process, and as queen, she doesn’t get a single day off. Free time is a thing of the past. Despite Bow, Adora, and Catra’s insistence that she slows down, she has yet to take a day off. They hadn’t anticipated their time in the Fright Zone to be their last opportunity to hang out for the foreseeable future, but it seemed that the best friend’s squad would have to take a break.

They had tried everything they could think of to be able to see Glimmer, but nothing had worked. Sleepovers, shared meals, every offer had been turned down. When they were able to get her to commit to something, there had always been a last minute change of plans.

As for Catra, she had been consciously making an effort to grow. The only way to do so was to take things slowly, and the others had been very patient with her, more so than she believed she deserved. She had been letting Adora and Bow drag her into things she was uncomfortable with, but in doing so, she had become more accustomed to stepping out of her comfort zone. It was a slow process and anxiety had become almost constant, but with them by her side as a comforting presence, she had slowly allowed herself to relax. She has to constantly remind herself that any step forward is in itself a small victory, and she finds herself holding onto these bits of progress whenever possible.

Since they had returned, Adora had insisted that she joins them for breakfast every day. It would be a good place to start, as she had done so with them before with various levels of success, and this made it a bit easier for Catra to face her anxiety. At first, Adora had had to force her to join them, but now she trusts Catra enough to accompany them on her own.

On this particular morning, Adora is ready to go before Catra, and she decides to leave ahead of her. She had been doing this more recently, giving Catra the space she needs to heal while also showing that she trusts her. Catra finishes her morning routine and as she looks at her reflection in the mirror, she wills herself to be strong. This is a dance she’s done before, but it had never been for the right reasons. Before, her confidence had grown from spite and anger, the need to prove her worth. Now, though, the strength she needs isn’t physical but emotional, and she had never expected how much harder it would be to muster that strength.

Melog paces nearby, mirroring the restless anxiety Catra feels every morning. She walks to the door and pauses, gripping the handle tightly, before forcing herself to leave the safety of her room. This, too, is an obstacle that she has to overcome daily. These second thoughts distract her constantly, and while she rarely gives in to them, it’s a hard habit to break. She finds that the only way around it is to take action before giving herself enough time to second guess herself.

She walks with purpose, avoiding the temptation to turn back and hide in her room. She knows a good portion of the castle by heart at this point, and she finds herself walking in the right direction on autopilot. She approaches the door to the dining room, and again hesitates. This time Melog makes the decision before she can, pushing through the door ahead of her. She smirks and rolls her eyes, following close behind. Bow and Adora sit at a table in the center of the room and Bow waves her over enthusiastically despite them being the only people present. She takes a seat beside Adora as she does every morning, and Melog sits at attention at her side.

“Glimmer bailed on us again, huh?” Catra asks, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah, I haven’t seen her all morning” Bow says half-heartedly. “I don’t even know if she’s eating breakfast, with how early she gets up.”

Catra fills her plate and eats as the others talk. She mostly listens, interjecting only occasionally when her mouth isn’t full. This has become routine for the three of them, and Catra is much more comfortable simply existing in these situations. They expect very little from her in way of conversation, seemingly happy enough just having her there at all. At first, she had been uncomfortable eating in front of them, but this at least has become much easier to do. It’s a small victory, she reminds herself, but a victory nonetheless.

Melog’s ears perk up just before Glimmer teleports into the chair beside Bow. “Hey guys!” Glimmer says, filling the plate in front of her quickly. “Sorry I’m late, can’t stay long, lots of work to do.”

“Woah, Glimmer, slow down” Adora says surprised. “Why don’t you eat here for once?”

Glimmer stacks as much food as she can on the plate before covering it with a napkin. She takes a bundle of utensils, standing with both in hand. “I wish I could but I have to get back. The castle’s not gonna rebuild itself” Glimmer states matter-of-factly. She leans down to give Bow a kiss on the cheek. “Bye guys!” she says and teleports out.

Bow groans and drops his head to the table. “Why do I even bother” he murmurs, throwing his hands up, words muffled against the tablecloth.

Adora puts her hand on his arm, trying to comfort him. “Glimmer has to take a break sometime. She can’t keep working herself like this” Adora says. “We’ll see her again eventually, but she is a queen. She just has a lot of stuff to do, I’m sure it’s not personal.”

“Yeah but who knows how long that’s gonna be? If she keeps doing this, she’s gonna run herself into the ground” Bow says, thumping his head on the table again in defeat.

Adora looks towards Catra expectantly. _A little help?_ Adora mouths at her, gesturing towards Bow with her head. Catra looks at him uneasily and shrugs, unsure what to say. Adora continues staring at her, her expression unwavering, and it’s clear that she’s not going to let Catra out of this.

“Look I’m…I’m sure she’ll slow down eventually. You’re right, she can’t keep doing this forever” Catra says uneasily, unsure of what to say.

“She will though, she’ll keep going until someone forces her to stop and who knows how long that’s gonna be. God knows she won’t listen to me” Bow says glumly.

“Maybe Catra or I could try talking to her” Adora suggests, and she looks at Catra hopefully.

“Oh, yeah I…I can do that” Catra says. _Now?_ she mouths, and Adora nods, gesturing for her to leave. She exits the room with Melog close behind as Adora continues consoling Bow.

Catra makes her way through the castle and steps out into the mid-morning sun. A light breeze whistles through the grass still heavy with dew, and Catra takes a moment to appreciate the relative calm. Melog meows at her, pulling her from her thoughts. She looks down at him and smiles, scratching his head briefly before continuing on her way.

Before long, the makeshift construction site comes into view. This section of the castle, previously in complete ruin, has largely been torn down and reconstruction has begun. A small tent has been set up nearby, and a group of workers are taking a break near the castle wall. Catra asks one of them where to find Glimmer, and they point her in the direction of the tent.

She pulls aside the tent flap as she approaches. “You in here Sparkles?” She asks, her eyes adjusting to the sudden dimness.

Glimmer sits at a small desk that takes up almost the whole space, and she looks up as Catra enters. Beside her work, the plate of food from earlier sits untouched. “Oh, hey Catra. I wasn’t expecting you” she says. “I don’t have any other chairs in here, I didn’t think I would have any company.”

“That’s ok, I can just sit down here” Catra says, waving a hand dismissively. She lowers herself to the ground and Melog lays between them. “What are you working on?”

“Oh!” Glimmer exclaims excitedly, turning back to her work. “I’m just finalizing some things, blueprints and that kind of stuff. After this, I have to order more materials for the castle walls. Turn out we had to tear down way more than expected, and I guess I didn’t get enough, so I have to do that.”

Glimmer prattles on, describing all of the work she has to do for the day, and Catra feels overwhelmed just listening to it. It’s obviously way too much for one person to do alone. She listens intently, growing more concerned as Glimmer speaks.

“Have you not eaten breakfast?” Catra interrupts, and she stops short. Glimmer looks at her in surprise, her train of thought lost.

She looks at the plate of food for a moment. “Breakfast, right, yeah I was going to do that” Glimmer says. “I just…I haven’t had time to stop. I’ve been so focused on my work, I kind of forgot about it.”

Catra gestures at the plate. “Well, you have time now while you talk to me” she suggests.

“No, that’s ok, I shouldn’t even be doing that” Glimmer says, shaking her head. “I have way too much to do, I’ll just wait till lunch.”

“Glimmer, you have to eat” Catra says assertively, and Glimmer looks at her in disbelief. She hasn’t felt this confident in a long time, but she holds firm. “You’re just gonna make excuses and forget about lunch too. You can’t be a good leader if you don’t take care of yourself.”

Glimmer looks at her dismayed. She glances at the plate and sighs, grabbing it and standing. “You’re right, I know you’re right” she admits, gesturing towards the entrance. “Let’s go sit outside. Now is as good a time as any for a break I guess.”

Melog runs ahead of them and lays down in the grass far from the tent. Catra and Glimmer follow, sitting near him and facing away from the castle. Glimmer uncovers the plate and eats slowly while they sit in silence.

“Y’know, this is the longest break I think I’ve had in weeks” Glimmer says, staring straight ahead. “I can’t remember the last time I had a real meal.”

Catra turns her head to look at her, searching her expression. “They miss you, y’know” she says, her voice solemn. “We all do. Bow and Adora and I haven’t seen you in weeks. I know you’re the queen and all but there’s no way you can keep going like this.”

Glimmer laughs hollowly and puts her half empty plate on the ground next to her. “What else am I supposed to do? This is my responsibility, it wouldn’t be fair to make someone else do all of it. Besides, we can’t have a half finished castle. I’ll have time to rest when it’s done.”

“But we have no idea how long that’s gonna take” Catra argues. “It could be months before it’s done. Do you really think you can keep this up for that long?”

“What choice do I have?” Glimmer says, “I’m not just going to stop being queen. I can’t just walk away from this.”

“I’m not saying you should walk away; I’m saying you should slow down” Catra says firmly. “Glimmer, this isn’t like you, why won’t you listen to us? We’re your friends and we’re concerned, you have to stop.”

“I’m fine!” Glimmer exclaims, a little too enthusiastically. “This is all fine! I don’t need you guys worrying about me, I can handle this! What I need is for this to be done so everything can just go back to normal again.” Her voice catches, and a tear rolls down her cheek. She turns away from Catra, wiping at her face quickly.

“Oh, Sparkles” Catra says sadly. She wraps her arms around Glimmer, holding her tightly. It’s awkward from this angle but has the desired effect. Glimmer breaks down and sobs in her arms for a long time. She feels awkward, unaccustomed to comforting others, but does her best to be soothing.

Her crying slows and eventually stops, and Glimmer wipes at her eyes again before Catra lets go and she turns towards her. “I’m ok, I’m good” she says, still teary eyed but noticeably better. Taking a deep breath, she shakily adds “Thanks, I…I really needed that.”

“Of course” Catra says, wrapping her arms around her knees and staring straight ahead again.

Glimmer breathes deeply beside her, slowly calming down. “What am I going to do?” she says, seemingly to herself. “I wasn’t kidding, I can’t just give up on this. It wouldn’t be right to put this on someone else.”

“Did you ever consider that maybe we want to help?” Catra says. “You don’t have to do everything, y’know. You’re allowed to take a break.”

“I guess…I guess I wanted to do it on my own. I wanted to prove that I could” Glimmer says sniffling. “I’m a queen, this of all things should be easy.”

“You really are an idiot” Catra says jokingly, shaking her head. “No one can do all of this, not even a queen.” She stands and offers Glimmer her hand. “Come on, you should take the rest of the day off.”

“Now you’re the one being an idiot” Glimmer jokes. She grabs the plate and takes Catra’s hand, standing up. “I can’t just leave now, what if they need me?”

“Why don’t I ask them for you?” Catra suggests, a glint of mischief in her eye. She takes off in the direction of the workers suddenly, leaving Glimmer in her wake.

“Hey! Wait! That’s not fair!” Glimmer yells. She chases after her, laughing. “Stop! Catra, stop!” They both run to the tent, pausing to catch their breath and laughing. “I’ll stop for the day, ok? I just need to finish some stuff.”

Catra raises an eyebrow at her but concedes. She doesn’t leave her side until they both walk back to the castle. “You should take a nap, you look like you could use it” Catra says.

“I think I will, I haven’t exactly been sleeping well” Glimmer admits. “Will you be at dinner?”

“I’ll be there if you will” Catra says.

Glimmer smiles at her tiredly. “Ok, great, see you at dinner then” she says, and they part ways.

For the next few days, they all eat together for every meal. Glimmer begrudgingly agrees to give some of her work to others, and doing so clearly makes her uneasy, but before long she seems to be relatively back to her normal self. Catra finds solace in the regularity of their time together, and after a few nights, she seems to be more enthusiastic to attend than Adora. This particular night is no different, as Catra is ready to leave much earlier than Adora.

“Ready to go?” Catra asks.

Adora stares at Catra in mock disbelief. “You’re going to dinner? Like, willingly?” she says.

Catra raises an eyebrow at her. “Oh come on, it’s been almost a week, of course I’m going.”

Adora smiles at her cockily, raising one eyebrow. “Are you sure we’ve met? There’s no way you’re my Catra” she says sarcastically.

Catra shoves her shoulder playfully, and she laughs. “Alright, let’s go, we don’t want to be late” Adora says, taking her hand and leading her out of the room. Melog follows them out the door, trailing closely behind Catra.

Bow and Glimmer have already arrived when Catra and Adora enter the dining room. Both of them are practically vibrating, excitement plastered on both of their faces.

Catra sits in her normal spot and eyes the pair across the table. “What’s gotten into you guys?” she says jokingly.

Bow and Glimmer glance at each other briefly. “We have some news” Bow says, barely able to contain his excitement.

“Must be pretty big, considering you’re both about to fall out of your chairs” Adora says, giving Catra a side glance.

Catra responds with an amused look and a shrug. “Well? Are you gonna say something or are you just gonna stare at us?” she asks.

“You tell them” Bow says, taking Glimmer’s hand.

“Ok, ok, here goes” Glimmer says. She takes a deep breath, looking first at Bow and then across the table at Catra and Adora and exclaims “We’re getting married!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this one ends in a really corny way, but listen, I love it. I gotta say, I already can't wait to write the last chapter, it's gonna slap.  
> This is a shout out to thesaurus.com, without it I would be dead and/or using the same word over and over.  
> Come say hi on my [tumblr](https://katertran.tumblr.com/)!  
> Update: probably won't be posting the last chapter for a couple more days. They upped my hours at work so I have a lot less time to write. Sorry in advance.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer and Bow get married

Despite the excitement and gossip surrounding the wedding, Glimmer and Bow had agreed that a smaller ceremony would be better. The stress of Glimmer’s coronation was still fresh in everyone’s mind, and despite the enormity of the event, the consensus was that a more intimate ceremony would be preferable. The engagement had very much been a sudden, spur of the moment decision, and the wedding turned out to be the exact opposite. Glimmer had insisted that they finish rebuilding the castle first, wanting the stress of the project to be gone before any wedding planning was done.

As soon as their engagement had been announced, Bright Moon had erupted with excitement. The tragedy of the war still lingered throughout Etheria, but the enormity of the event had overshadowed the remaining sadness. As soon as the castle reconstruction neared an end, a date was set and planning had begun. Glimmer’s Aunt Casta had insisted on doing all of the planning, and she had made it very clear that her offer would not be turned down. Invitations had been sent to all of the princesses and close family members, and through an ever growing buzz of anticipation, the date finally arrived.

Glimmer stood in the middle of her room while Casta, Adora, and Catra helped her into her wedding outfit. A dress had seemed impractical, and it wasn’t really her style anyways. She donned a pink suit with dark red accents, as well as a deep purple cape. Her staff, which had previously belonged to her father, leaned against a chair nearby. Although she was supposed to be helping, Casta and Adora were doing most of the work, and Catra inevitably found herself sitting on the ground nearby, waiting for instruction. After months of trying on outfits for the wedding day, Catra had picked an all red suit, deciding it was the only outfit of the choices presented that she looked good in. Melog sits at attention nearby, watching the others as they assist Glimmer. Catra, having already grown bored, is playing with the buttons on her jacket sleeve and slowly zoning out.

Adora sits at her side, crossing her legs under her and smoothing out her dress. “Anyone in there?” she jokes, waving a hand in front of her face. Catra jumps and turns to face Adora, taking a second to refocus on her surroundings. Adora laughs and rolls her eyes. “Weren’t you supposed to be helping or something?” she asks, raising an eyebrow.

Catra shrugs. “Seemed like you guys had it pretty well handled” she says.

“Yeah, I think you’re right. Casta practically pushed me out of the way anytime I tried to do anything” Adora says. They both look at the pair briefly. Casta continues to fuss over the symmetry of the cape, insisting that it be exactly centered, and Glimmer is doing her best to placate her.

“You’d think this was Casta’s wedding with how picky she’s being” Catra says. “I thought they said they’d compromise. Doesn’t look like that’s working out.”

Adora shrugs. “She wants it to be perfect for Glimmer, you can’t blame her for that” she says sympathetically. “I think she’s trying to make up for Angella not being here. She and Micah have been really careful not to mention her with all the wedding planning.”

Catra looks at the pair at the mirror while listening to Adora. The wedding had been planned quickly, but Casta had been incredibly meticulous with every detail. What Catra had thought of as needless micromanagement now seemed to make more sense in light of this. She was a concerned aunt, sure, but she was also one of the only motherly figures Glimmer still had. Thinking of it this way, her fussiness and perfectionism when it came to the wedding made much more sense. Any time someone had offered help, she had brushed them off and insisted she do it herself, clearly feeling obligated to take on the task on her own.

Adora bumps Catra’s shoulder with her own. “You doing ok? You’ve been kind of quiet all day” she says.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Catra asks. “It’s not like it’s my wedding.”

“Yeah, but it’s still a big day, y’know? Everyone is really stressed” Adora explains. “Glimmer and Bow are our friends, some of that nervousness is bound to rub off on us.”

Catra looks at Glimmer and Casta again as they bicker. “I guess I’d be more nervous if I had to make small talk with a bunch of people I don’t care about.” she says, contemplating for a moment before continuing. “Do you think I made the right choice? Not being a part of the wedding? They really wanted me up there with you guys but…being in front of that many people doesn’t seem like a good idea right now.”

Adora takes her hand and squeezes it, reassuring her. “You did what was best for you, and Glimmer and Bow both know that. I’m sure they wouldn’t have wanted you to do it if it just made you nervous.”

Catra squeezes her hand back in silent thanks. As she turns back to the others, it’s clear that Glimmer is becoming more exasperated as she attempts to placate Casta. “We should probably help” Catra says, gesturing towards Glimmer.

“Yeah, you’re probably right” Adora agrees, and they both stand. She puts her hand on Casta’s shoulder and she stops mid-sentence, surprised. “Can we just get a second alone with Glimmer?” Adora interrupts.

Casta stares at her for a moment. “Well, I suppose, but please make it quick. We’re on a tight schedule, you know, no time to dawdle” she says hesitantly. “I suppose I could go check on Bow, make sure he isn’t having any problems.”

“Yes, you should definitely do that” Adora says, pushing Casta towards the door. “We just need a couple minutes, we’ll be quick, I swear.” She opens the door for her and gestures towards it. Casta looks towards Glimmer nervously once more before leaving.

The door clicks shut and Glimmer sighs deeply, collapsing into a nearby chair. “I thought she would never stop” she says as she reclines. “Don’t get me wrong, I love Aunt Casta, but she can just be so…” she clenches both fists and makes a frustrated noise, “…y’know?”

“She sure is…something” Catra says, sitting on the floor nearby. “I’m sure she just wants everything to be nice.”

“I know, I know, but every time I try to tell her I don’t need help she just waves it off and it’s really getting on my nerves” Glimmer moans, sinking deeper into the chair.

“Well, she’s out of your hair now” Adora says, putting her hand on Glimmer’s shoulder, “and we’ll make sure it stays that way, right Catra?”

They both turn to look at Catra, and Adora smiles encouragingly. “Right, yeah, we’re here to help” Catra confirms, smiling back. Melog trots over to them, putting his head on Glimmer’s lap and meowing at her.

Glimmer laughs and pets Melog, noticeably more relaxed. The clock on the wall nearby chimes the hour. Glimmer turns to look at it and sighs. “I guess Aunt Casta was right, we really don’t have much time” Glimmer notes. She readjusts her cape as she stands, and Adora passes her the staff. Melog pushes at Catra’s back, urging her to get up, and Glimmer offers her hand. “Let’s go to Bow’s room, I wanna see him before the wedding.”

As they traverse the halls, Glimmer practically shakes. “I can’t believe it’s finally time! It hasn’t really felt real until now” Glimmer says excitedly. She talks endlessly as if to herself, only half paying attention to her surroundings and full of nervous energy. They approach Bow’s room, and Glimmer speeds up in anticipation.

“I think I’m gonna leave you guys here, I should go find a seat” Catra says, gesturing behind herself. She had been waiting for an opportunity to break off from the rest of the wedding party, and this seemed like the best time.

Glimmer hugs her unexpectantly, nearly smacking her head with the staff as she does so. She squeezes tightly and quickly let’s go but holds Catra by the shoulders at arm’s length. “I’m sorry you couldn’t be in the wedding with us, I feel really bad about it” she laments, sadness suddenly painting her expression.

“It’ll be ok, it’s not supposed to be that long” Catra says, shrugging, “This was my decision anyways, it’s better if I’m not up there.”

Glimmer searches her face, evidently satisfied by what she finds, and let’s go. “You better sit close to the front” she says insistently.

“Alright, alright, whatever you say, your majesty” Catra says, bowing far deeper than is necessary. Glimmer pushes on her shoulders and laughs, nearly sending her tumbling to the ground. She rights herself at the last second and glares at Glimmer ineffectually.

“Ok, go, go! Now we’re really running late” Glimmer says, trying to sound stern but missing by a mile. Catra rolls her eyes, saluting to them before turning to leave.

When wedding planning had first begun, the question of location had been raised early on. Casta and Micah wanted to plan for a much larger ceremony, insisting that all of Bright Moon attend, but Glimmer and Bow hadn’t liked the idea of a big wedding. Regardless, Casta thought it best to plan for more guests, which meant choosing a large ceremony space. The castle had always been surrounded with miles and miles of open fields, and this seemed like a good option. However, with the weather being unpredictable, this seemed less than optimal, as a large crowd in the wrong weather could mean hundreds of wet, unhappy guests. Catra’s suggestion of the royal gardens had seemed to fix many of these issues. It had just enough space for a small event, and the greenhouse could be utilized if the weather took a turn for the worse.

Catra and Melog walk into the royal gardens, passing the lush bushes and brightly colored flowers. The open space has been decorated with a few dozen chairs that surround a center aisle. Bow’s 12 older siblings make up almost half of the guests, the other half made up of princesses and assorted other close friends. Catra scans the small crowd, quickly spotting Scorpia and Perfuma near the front. She and Melog join them, Catra taking the empty seat to the right of Scorpia.

“Hey, wildcat!” Scorpia says excitedly, hugging Catra as soon as she sits. She squeezes tightly, punching all of the air out of Catra, and pulls away quickly. “Uh, sorry about that” she says, embarrassed, “I forget my own strength sometimes.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m tougher than I look” Catra says laughing.

“How’ve you been doing lately?” Scorpia asks. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen any of you guys. Have you been uh…doing better?” As she speaks, Scorpia’s tone becomes less lighthearted and significantly more concerned.

Catra looks at her, surprised at the sudden shift in tone. Genuine worry paints Scorpia’s features, the warm welcome replaced with concern. “I’m doing…better” Catra starts hesitantly. “I haven’t been having nearly as many nightmares.” Scorpia relaxes slightly at that, relief evident on her face. “I guess I’m still getting used to it all. I mean everything keeps changing” she says, gesturing towards the seats around them. “Maybe that’s a good thing though, it would be boring if everything stayed the same.”

Scorpia scans her face, looking her in the eye before letting out a sigh. “I’m happy for you” she says genuinely, “I told you it would get better.”

At that, the crowd settles down and the wedding begins. Micah initiates and makes sure to keep it short, just as Bow and Glimmer had wanted. In keeping with Etherian traditions of marriage, in which a couple exchange an item of clothing, Bow and Glimmer each don one from a pair of earrings, and the ceremony concludes.

The reception is held in a large ballroom, with dining tables arranged on one side and a large section left open on the other. They celebrate late into the night, dancing and catching up with each other for hours. Catra doesn’t do much dancing, largely electing to watch from her table most of the night despite multiple attempts by the other guests to pull her away from it.

Adora joins Catra after a few hours, clearly exhausted from all the excitement. “I’m surprised it took you this long to sit down” Catra says, watching Adora affectionately. “Even She-Ra needs a break sometimes you know.”

“Yeah, I know, I’ve just been having fun” Adora says, still a bit breathless. “I don’t think my legs will hold me up much longer anyways.”

“How’s the happy couple?” Catra asks, looking out at the dance floor again.

“Well, all of Bow’s siblings wanted to dance with Glimmer separately, so she’s definitely been busy” Adora says. “It’s probably good that they kept it small, who knows who else would have kept them from each other.” Adora puts her elbow on the table, placing her head in her hand as she watches Catra lovingly. “How have you been over here? You’ve been all alone all night.”

“I haven’t been alone” Catra says. Melog, who’s been laying next to Catra’s chair, perks his head up. “Melog’s been keeping me company” she says, scratching his head.

“Right, of course, how could I forget” Adora says sarcastically. “Seriously though, you doing ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, this just isn’t really my scene” Catra says, waving it off. “I’m ok watching from over here. Never really been a huge fan of crowds.” She turns to look at Adora, who stares back with a dreamy, childish smile. “Uh…are _you_ ok?”

“Definitely” she answers, her gaze never wavering.

Catra playfully pushes her shoulder. “Why do you keep looking at me like that?” she asks playfully.

“I guess the wedding and everything just got me thinking” Adora says. She lifts her head and turns to look at Bow and Glimmer, surrounded by loved ones, and Catra follows her gaze. They look happier than they have in months. Adora takes her hand, lacing their fingers together. “How would you feel about getting married?” she asks, her tone unaffected.

Catra whips her head around to stare at Adora, whose demeanor is somehow unchanged. “What…really? Are you serious?” Catra asks, incredulous.

“Of course I’m serious” Adora says, as nonchalantly as if they were discussing what to eat for lunch. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I think it would be nice. Small ceremony, maybe even just Bow and Glimmer there, I don’t know.” She shrugs, and Catra continues staring at her in disbelief. “Oh come on, you don’t have to be so surprised. We’ve loved each other forever, you must have known this was coming.”

Catra blinks a few times, trying to process it all. They love each other, and of course they don’t need to be married to know that, but she hadn’t expected to even bring up the topic of marriage for a long time. Her immediately thought is to say yes, of course, obviously she would want to marry her, but she forces herself to pause. They had been apart for a long time, enemies in name only, but they still had a lot to work out. Catra was just starting to get used to daily life, and it didn’t seem like a good time to make such a big decision.

“I…I don’t know” Catra finally answers. She looks away from Adora, unwilling to watch the disappointment she’s sure she would find on her face. “I love you, you know that but…everything is changing so fast. I still have a lot of getting better to do on my own, I just don’t know if I can handle that right now, y’know?”

Adora sits in silence for a moment, and Catra can feel her gaze piercing through her. What feels like an eternity passes before Adora puts her hand on Catra’s cheek, pulling her face towards her again. She leans across the space and kisses her lightly, eventually pulling back and leaning her forehead against Catra’s.

“It’s ok, I get it” she says, looking Catra in the eye. “You’re not ready yet, I’m ok with that. I’m willing to wait.” Catra closes her eyes and cherishes the closeness, wondering how she possibly got this lucky.

“You’re sure? You’ll really wait for me?” Catra asks, although she already knows the answer.

“No matter how long it takes” Adora answers.

“Hey!” Glimmer yells, approaching their table. “You are not going to come to my wedding and skulk in the corner with your girlfriend all night” she says jokingly, one hand on her hip. “You have to dance with me at least once.”

“Adora’s been out there all night, give her a break” Catra says, matching her tone.

“I was talking to you” Glimmer says, rolling her eyes. She grabs Catra’s hand and pulls her out of her seat. “Now come on! I demand that you have fun right this second.”

Catra turns to Adora, pleading for help, but she just shrugs at her. Adora waves as she gets dragged away, clearly enjoying herself. The rest of the night is spent celebrating, and for the first time in a long time, Catra feels as if she can be herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took way longer to get out than expected, I've had a lot more work this week than I thought I would.  
> It's finally done! I hope you guys like reading this chapter as much as I liked writing it.   
> Come say hi on my [tumblr](https://katertran.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
